I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
if only i could text you this smell
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
