Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
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