Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
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