i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
