bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
