well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
