i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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