1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
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