at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Princesses don't give blow jobs
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Randomize
