so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
