I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
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