Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
