on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
We don't watch enough power rangers
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
