my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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