What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
