I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
