We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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