How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
