i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
babies were throwing up all over the place
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
