Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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