so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
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Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
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They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize