You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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