toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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