So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
