She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Randomize
