I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Randomize
