you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
