How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize