WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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