How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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