I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
