2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
well I can't set my house on fire every night
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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