were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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