Sponge bath it is.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
