Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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