I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Randomize
