just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
