But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
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