We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Randomize
