Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
