Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
