i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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