he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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