My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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