She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
