so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
