Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
