is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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