I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
