i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
