It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
