He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
