I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
