Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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