I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
