She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
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I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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