I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
