im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
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