Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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