forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Randomize
