so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Be still, my beating vagina.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize