absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
