I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
