We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
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