Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
