I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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