Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Randomize
