you traded sex for a burrito?
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
