You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
